intigration

I feel it in my fingers...I feel it in my toes...and those are the opening words of a song I think we all know...but so fitting their words for where I am now...fully feeling everything...in every inch of me...Happiness, so transitory and fleeting...so risky to depend upon...the moment you give it a name and  make it yours it disappears...that's the way it has always seemed to operate...perhaps it's different this time...perhaps it's deeper this time...perhaps it has written itself on my heart and moved from mere 'happy' to joy...to lasting and complete...to the wait is over and now you may keep it...I fear holding it too tightly...possibly creating a stinging beast of it...but it seems now to be holding me...wrapping itself around my heart and giving me a name and a place to rest my head...There is still a risk...there is still a possibility of an end point...and for a while dread of it drove me...but some risks are worth taking...so headlong I walk into it...holding my breath...holding his hand...fearful but unafraid...illuminated with hope and the joy of discovery...every day far surpassing the last...and happiness wedging itself deeper into my heart...